


Leave This Blue Neighbourhood

by alien_in_the_sea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Christian! Oikawa, Church AU, College AU, College Au's, Falling Apart, First Kiss, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalised Homophobia, Iwaoi on/off relationship, Kenma moving to college, M/M, blue neighbourhood - Freeform, but they talk through it, i guess, sort of an unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6857527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alien_in_the_sea/pseuds/alien_in_the_sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots, each one  based on a song from Troye's album and a ship from Haikyuu!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WILD (Asanoya)

**Author's Note:**

> So my system is to take a few lines form each song because last time I tried to use the whole song I failed miserably.  
> I really wanted to write about Asahi and Noya having a crush on each other and I started off with Wild for that. I'm sorry if the song isn't the best choice or the lyrics I chose aren't the best for this but I tried to tie it back to the song as much as I could.  
> Thanks for reading!

**You make my heart shake**

**Bend and break**

**But I can't turn away**

**And it's driving me wild**

**It’s driving me wild.**

It had all started when he started playing volleyball for Karasuno in his first year. In his first day, he remembered meeting his teammates, his senpais, and his peers. He quickly made friends with Tanaka, a boy as active, loud and intense as he was. Noya remembered getting praised for being the best libero of the prefecture and hearing about how the team was looking forward to working with him. He was expecting that.

What he wasn’t expecting, though, was that a kind, shy and giant boy with brown, long hair would catch his attention for the years to come. He wasn’t expecting that that was the day in which his heart had decided something that his mind didn’t find out until a year later.

Disguised as admiration, when it was truly teenage love, Noya set out to make friends with Asahi, his third-year teammate.

It had all started for him when, during his second year, the new players were introduced. He didn’t pay much attention to the first-years. He was shy and introductions were nerve-racking so he did his best to avoid them. After all, he was fine hanging out with his friends Suga and Daichi, he didn’t need anyone else, yet. After all, he would get to know the new players soon enough. That day seemed to be just like any other.

What he wasn’t expecting, though, was that a very small hurricane by the name of Nishinoya Yuu, would follow him around and talk to him. That boy was shorter than anyone Asahi knew but he was louder, more outgoing and more talkative than anyone his size should be. He politely answered his questions about spiking and the other teammates and he soon learnt that Noya was more than just a small kid with a loud voice.

Noya was a team player. He cared about the team. He was ready to adapt to the team’s needs in order to work with everyone. He wanted the same that everyone else did. Noya wanted to get Karasuno flying again.

Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure when he fell in love with Noya or why he stuck around him during practise when Daichi and Suga were too lovey-dovey, sometimes even too much for them to realise, instead of anyone else. He wasn’t sure when or why but he was sure that he had been in love with Nishinoya for quite a while now.

Noya was going crazy. It was almost the end of the year. Asahi was going to leave for university and he was going to be left behind. They were getting ready for nationals. Big things were happening all around him.

He wanted to let go of Asahi, his crush was getting too much for him to handle. He wasn’t sure how to deal with his emotions and he wasn’t sure how he was going to cope once Asahi left. He had spoken to Tanaka about it but he hadn’t been of much help.

“Dude, you know how hard it’s been for me to get a girlfriend. How the hell am I going to figure out how to get you a boyfriend?!”

But, although he was of little help, he was his best friend and he promised he would keep an eye out on things.

Noya needed to turn away from what he was feeling. If not, at some point, he was going to break. His mind raced every day when he thought about this. His heart fluttered, swelled, shook and threatened to spill everything, each time he saw his giant crush.

When he spiked, he couldn’t help but notice the way little strands of hair fell out of his bun. When Asahi spoke, Noya couldn’t help but notice the way he slouched a little. When there was silence, he could see Asahi’s face relax.

Noya loved the way Asahi’s face flustered when someone started talking to him and he was caught off guard. He loved the way his eyes started shining when someone complimented him, especially when it was Noya who delivered the compliment. He loved the way Asahi scratched his neck, slightly uncomfortable. He loved the kindness, the calmness, the way Asahi was the calm to Noya’s storm.

Everything that Asahi did, every time Noya thought of him, he thought he was going to go crazy, he was going wild.

Asahi, according to him, was many things. Too cowardly, too shy, too tall. He was too anxious and too scared. Most of those fears had no foundation at all. But there was one fear that Asahi knew had an excuse and he knew was to face it soon.

He was scared of leaving Noya behind. Since he had forced him back into the team, Asahi had relied on Noya to keep him steady and to guard his back. Noya had grown onto him, he was one of his dearest friends and in the most remote place of his imagination, as impossible as he thought it was, he hoped that one day he and Noya could be more than that.

He loved the way Noya rambled on about what he liked, how he was able to fill every silence with his roaring voice that somehow brought comfort to him. He loved the way Noya always encouraged him, everything he did. He loved the way Noya reassured him, the way he had told him he always had his back.

He loved the days when they hung out together, playing video games and eating junk food when Noya could forget about the -san and it was more relaxed than ever. A safe haven. A paradise. The calm and passiveness that Asahi was too much, seemed to be in complete accordance with Noya’s intensity and loudness. He was the storm that Asahi needed.

He wanted to let go of Noya because of the heartbreak that was to come. He didn’t want to imagine Noya’s face when he left for university. He imagined that Noya would stop talking. That was something that was never meant to happen and he didn’t want it to be his fault.

He couldn’t let go of the tiny, younger boy, even if he wanted to. The thought of holding his hand, kissing him, holding him and running his fingers through his hair plagued his mind every night.

His heart swelled every time he heard Noya scream “ROLLING THUNDER!”. His heart fluttered when he saw Noya’s mischievous smile. He loved Noya’s blonde strand of hair and the way he spiked his hair up to make himself look taller. He loved the fact that he didn’t have to learn how to serve, he was a libero after all, but he learnt how to do it because he wanted to be better, to make the team better. Because he wanted to serve for Asahi to spike the ball.

He needed to get over Noya, he had to turn away. But everything that Noya did, made him weak. Made his heart shake, bend and break. It was driving him wild.

It was the day before they left for Nationals. Everything was happening around Noya. Tanaka had sworn to him that he saw Asahi looking at him a lot and that he had heard Suga and Daichi talking about Noya and Asahi. He wasn’t sure if he should trust what Tanaka said, after all, it was mostly speculations, but he was done and he had to do something.

“Asahi-san, do you want to go and get something to eat after practice?” He asked him as casually as he could. It wasn’t something new, they would usually do something like that, it wasn’t anything new, Asahi said to himself as Noya made sure he wasn’t being suspicious at all.

Asahi smiled, making Noya’s knees go weak, and agreed to go with him and it was set.

Noya was going to confess to Asahi.

Practice was tiring as it would’ve been for the day before the left for Tokyo. Everyone left home laughing at Hinata and Kageyama yelling at each other as they raced home. The whole team was sleepy and ready to go home and get some rest.

But Asahi had promised Noya that they would get something to eat afterwards so there they were, walking side by side, under the clear, starry night. Noya was quiet, which usually happened when he was up to something or he was in a bad mood. Asahi didn’t question him about it, he just kept on walking but kept an eye on that.

As they walked, Asahi looked up. The night was clear, not a cloud in sight and the moon was shining over them. He looked at Noya, his tiny body walking in synchronicity with his. His hair ruffled and messy from practise. He loved him so much. He was in love with him and nothing he could do would make him turn away from him. He wanted Noya to love him back. He wanted to kiss his lips. He wanted to feel his small hand linking with his.

Under the light of the moon, Asahi made the decision to be bolder than he could ever hope to be.

Noya was pondering on how to ask him to be his boyfriend when to do it, whether Asahi was even into guys, whether this was a good idea. His mind was racing a hundred miles per hour when Asahi stopped in his tracks. His heart sunk, “Maybe he knows what I’m planning on doing…” He thought. And let it all go and started telling Asahi how he felt.

“Look, Asahi, I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time and I can’t hold this back anymore and I’m not even sure you’re into dudes but I really really like you and I think I’m in lo- “

Asahi cut him off by leaning in, grabbing Noya’s shirt and pulling him into a kiss that told Noya that everything he felt was reciprocated. Asahi’s sweet lips were shy and not at all forceful.

As soon as Noya recovered from the shock, his lips started kissing back, with passion. He wasn’t sure how he was still standing, he knew his knees were going to give in. There were no fireworks, only the slow, sweet burn of love that finally flowed freely two ways, as Noya’s arms wrapped Asahi’s neck and his fingers ran through his hair.

Under the shadow of the night, the night that holds many secrets, they drowned on each other.

And on their way home, although they were trying not to, they fell in love. Their hearts couldn’t ignore this. They were made to drive each other wild.


	2. BITE (Kuroken)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenma is absolutely done with Kuroo and he just wants to kiss him, so he takes the matter unto his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this one is pretty short and I'm super sorry about that but I really couldn't find the right way to write this and when I wrote it and it felt right, this was as much as I could get out.   
> It was originally planned to be a smut but I can honestly not write smut at all so I wrote it was well as I could.
> 
> If you have any suggestions/feedback, please leave it in the comments! It would be super helpful!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I really hope you enjoy it!

**Kiss me on the mouth and set me free**

**Sing me like a choir**

**I can be the subject of your dreams**

**Your sickening desire**

All of Kenma’s frustrations were put into that one kiss.

It had been weeks since he found out that Kuroo liked Kenma back. At first, he was excited. His best friend surely would do something and get things going between them. He was sure of it. And he waited.

It had been weeks and everything that Kuroo did was driving him crazy. He had admitted to himself that he was into his best friend ages ago and he was at peace with it. But since he found out that Kuroo liked him as well, every movement, everything that Kuroo did, that remotely hinted that he was going to make the first move, made him jump in excitement.

It had been weeks and Kenma was absolutely done with Kuroo, who was surprisingly shy about his crush on Kenma, so he invited him over to his house, on a weekend when his parents weren’t home and took it upon his own hands to make the first move.

“Kitten…” Kuroo gasped for air. Kenma had pushed him onto his bed and pinned him against the mattress. He had grabbed Kuroo’s wrists and put his knees on either side and kissed his sweet lips.

Kuroo seemed surprised, but in the good way. His eyes looked as if he was in a dream and he couldn’t believe that Kenma had just pinned him down to the bed and kissed him.

“Shut up. You took too long.” Kenma said with a pout and kissed him again.

Kenma’s lips were soft and small, they were sweet and surprisingly needy. Kuroo wasn’t sure of what he was doing with his, but he hoped it was good.

Kuroo’s mind was buzzing. He wasn’t sure if this was real or he was hallucinating. Kenma’s small body over his awkward and lanky one fitted perfectly. Every spot that Kenma touched with his hands was left feeling with an electric sensation in his skin.

Kenma deepened the kiss and with his teeth he bit Kuroo’s bottom lip and pulled away soon after, to take a deep breath.

Kuroo took this opportunity to sit up and hold Kenma close.

“What the hell was that, Kenma? Don’t bite my lip.” Kuroo grinned, recovered from his original shock.

“I swear I heard you moan right after I did it so I can safely assume you liked it, and I will keep on doing it. And I don’t know, I just wanted you to do something about… well, us. And you were taking too damn long and I couldn’t wait any longer. God, I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time,” He sighed.

“Woah, the small kitten has feelings!” Kuroo said, pulling Kenma into a tight hug. Kenma fit his head in the crook of Kuroo’s neck and softly kissed him.

“Shut up. You act like you’re the greatest at getting girls and flirting but you didn’t even have the initiative to kiss me.”

“Oh? So you want some initiative?” Kuroo said and this time, it was him who started the kiss.

Kuroo’s lips tasted a bit salty and were a bit chapped but Kenma loved them anyway. Their lips danced together in perfect harmony, making Kenma moan a little.

He had been looking forward to this for ages, he wasn’t sure how long it had been. Kissing Kuroo in the mouth, tasting his lips, hands running through each other’s backs, hugs that turned into kisses, kisses that turned into hickeys and love marks. Everything that he desired was happening all at once. It was a beautiful mess of sweaters thrown over their heads to be forgotten, fingers running up and down his back. Kisses that made him shudder with pleasure in places he was insecure about.

It was an afternoon in Kenma’s rooms full of unspoken feelings that were released with small touches, kisses. The scent of the room was filled with lust, need and somehow, the innocence of teenage love. Kenma loved Kuroo and Kuroo loved Kenma. It was as simple as that and it would not change. It was innocence mixed with lust. They sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing exactly but they conformed to being in each other’s arms and loving in the sweetest way.

Touches, kisses, gasps for air, moans and bites.


	3. FOOLS  (Kagehina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everyone finds out about Hinata's crush on Kageyama, everyone asks: How can he be such a fool as to fall in love with him?

Only fools fall for you  
It was a cold winter morning and Hinata was slightly later than usual because he waited for Kageyama for a while, before he got a text from his friend that he was sick and he wasn’t going to go to school that day. Hinata sighed and started riding his bike to school.   
It was a grey morning. Clouds covered the sky and the biting cold was making Hinata’s fingers numb under his gloves.   
He got to school and training was about to start. He rushed into the club room to get changed and raced back. Although he usually loved running around and racing, but it was not the same with Kageyama.   
He knew that something was wrong the minute he stepped into the gym and there was a tense atmosphere that seemed to appear with him.  
Hinata walked in and everyone’s eyes were on him for a second. It was only a second but it was enough for him to sense something. He saw Tanaka and Nishinoya exchange knowing looks. Daichi also seemed aware of the tension, since he stepped in and announced that they were going to start warming up.  
“Okay, guys. We’re all here so we’ll start training. I want you all to do two laps around the court and then I want you to stretch and we’ll do some receiving first.”  
Coach Ukai wasn’t there that morning, since he had to deal with some problem that happened at the store, so Daichi lead the training.  
“Uh…Hinata, do you…uh, know where Kageyama is?” Daichi asked as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.   
Hinata wasn’t sure why everything was so awkward in that moment but he could feel it. There was something up.   
“Yeah. He’s at home sick. I’m going to check on him after school.” Hinata said as casually as possible.  
Training was good and Hinata was feeling his improvement. He worked with Suga, who tossed the ball with him and Tsukishima. He worked with Daichi on his receives and the older boy told him how much he was improving. But it wasn’t the same.  
The good feeling of improvement was balanced with the empty feeling in the back of his mind that something, no, someone was missing. Recently he had been figured out a lot about himself.  
He figured out that he was attracted to boys. He didn’t rule out the idea of girls, he wasn’t sure exactly of what he could count himself as, but that was fine. He just knew that boys were also in his interest.  
Particularly one boy. His rival-turned-into-best-friend Kageyama. He had a huge, massive crush on the King.   
It had been a few weeks since that happened and at first he was scared of everything he had been feeling. It had been like a wave of strange and foreign emotions swooping in over his head and leaving his brain without enough oxygen to process it all. He hadn’t been sure of what to do and he had no one to talk to. It wouldn’t be a good idea to talk to Kageyama about his crush on Kageyama.  
So he went to speak to one of his senpais.  
“Suga-san. I-I really need to talk to you. Please.” He said to the silver-haired boy one afternoon when training was over and the team was getting ready to leave and go home. “In private.” He said as Kageyama started walking towards them and Daichi did the same. They both stepped out of the club room and then Hinata exploded with everything that had been in his mind.  
At the end, as a good team mum should, he helped him figure out everything that was happening in his mind. And he really didn’t regret it. Until the comments started coming that cold morning after training.  
“Hey, Hinata, so you’re planning on becoming the Queen of the Court?” Tsukishima grinned and Yamaguchi snickered. They must’ve found that very funny because they both walked away smiling and Tsukishima didn’t even tell the other boy to shut up.  
His face went as bright as his hair. Somehow they found out about his secret crush on Kageyama.  
The next incident happened when he was studying with Yachi and Tanaka and Noya came rushing in through the door and started babbling on about Hinata being in love and how his kouhais were growing up and something about Kageyama being a cute blueberry and Hinata and him being together. It was loud and it was messy.  
It was very embarrassing.   
Yachi, after the two second years left, was looking guilty.  
“What is it, Yachi-san?”  
Her face dropped as he asked that question but she was too pure and honest to lie.  
“Well, the whole team knows about you and your crush on, um, Kageyama…” She said very quietly.  
The rest of the day was a personal hell. Daichi went up to him in between breaks and asked him how everything was going in between them, and then offered advice, like a proud dad would do to his son. He then patted him in the back awkwardly and left. Every other member of the team treated him differently from then on. It wasn’t negative at all. They all seemed to be very supportive, it was just awkward as hell to be around them as they tried to wrap their minds around the idea of Hinata and Kageyama.  
According to Yachi, Suga had told Daichi (those two really acted like parents) Kiyoko and Asahi, who then told Noya, who then told Tanaka and Ennoshita, who then told Yachi who then told Yamaguchi who then told Tsukishima.   
It was awkward because everyone seemed to question why. Why did he like Kageyama? Why wouldn’t he like someone nicer who didn’t call him a dumbass every two minutes? They seemed to ask him many questions to which Hinata didn’t have the answer. What do you see in him?   
They seemed to think he was some kind of idiot, some kind of fool for crushing on his best friend. And he wasn’t even sure whether he wasn’t one anymore.   
Hinata was sure though, that he liked him. He liked spending time with him. He loved the way he frowned when he was choosing milk from the vending machine. And the way he pouted when he was frustrated with something he didn’t get. Hinata loved the way Kageyama knew exactly what to do to make him happy. He loved the fact that Kageyama wanted him happy, although he wouldn’t admit it. He loved the way Kageyama knew whether he needed some tosses, a sleepover, a spam with pictures of puppies on his phone or just a long chat to make him feel better.  
He loved the way Kageyama didn’t seem to mind when he was over at his place and they somehow ended up touching while sleeping, something holding hands or sometimes spreading out on top of each other. He loved the way Kageyama gave all his attention to him when he spoke about Natsu. He loved Kageyama’s soft black hair and his blue eyes.   
He loved the way they completed each other. Everything about Kageyama screamed blue. He was quiet, he was angry. He was the type of intense that involved glaring. Everything about Kageyama screamed blue, cold.  
Everything about Hinata though, represented the warmest of colours. He represented orange, yellow and red. He was always smiling, he was always jumping and being loud. He was intense by being straightforward. Everything about Hinata screamed yellow, orange, red. He represented sunshine and warmth.  
He loved the way that Kageyama was what was missing for Hinata’s spikes. He loved the way he was tall and he was short. He loved the way their relationship developed. From sworn enemies to best friends. He loved walking to school with him and walking back with him.  
There were so many things that Hinata loved about Kageyama, and even if he was aware of them, he was unable to mention them. He loved everything that Kageyama was to him.   
Everyone since then started calling him a fool, not even meaning to be rude or to make him feel bad. They were genuinely puzzled.  
“How can you like him? He’s an asshole. You must be a fool to fall for him.” They said to him multiple times, in various tones and in many variations of the same set of words. “You’re a fool for falling for him.”  
And maybe he was.  
He didn’t mind being the King’s Fool.  
He didn’t mind being a fool, if it meant he was one because he fell for Kageyama Tobio.


	4. EASE (Kuroken)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma is having trouble dealing with university.

**I'm down to my skin and bone**

**And my mommy, she can't put down the phone**

**And stop asking how I'm doing all alone, alone**

**But the truth is the stars are falling, ma**

**And the wolves are out c-calling, ma**

**And my home has never felt this far**

It was the start to a very big adventure, his mum has said. She promised she wouldn’t worry too much about him but every day since he moved out of his house into university, she had called him many times a day.

Kenma told her multiple times that he was doing just fine and she didn’t need to call as often. It was enough buzzing for his phone with Lev sending him pictures from training and Hinata texting him about his university, so his mum’s calls were annoying more than anything.

He wasn’t going to tell her though, how much he was struggling. It was hard for him to go to sleep on a room that he wasn’t used to, so he barely got any sleep. It was hard to get around classes when he barely knew the buildings he was in. It was hard.

He missed Tokyo. He missed his friends. He missed Nekoma, Hinata and even playing volleyball with his teammates. He missed Lev, surprisingly enough. He missed having practice games, and being woken up early for them by Kuroo.

Kuroo. That’s what he missed the most.

He’d stayed back in Tokyo and that’s where his university was. Kuroo didn’t even have to move out, so even when Kenma was in his third year, he could constantly see Kuroo and be with him.

But then, all of a sudden, the careers counsellor at school asked him about universities, a thought he never had before, and then he was applying for a few of them and then he got into one of the best universities in Japan with a scholarship and suddenly, he was moving out of his city, his house, into a huge unknown.

He was sure he’d never been this far away from home, even when they had tournaments.

Kenma was scared of everything that was all happening too suddenly, too quickly, as if the world and even life itself was moving fast and it was forcing him to move alongside it.

**But all this driving**

**Is driving me crazy**

**And all this moving**

**Is proving to get the best of me**

The day he moved into his small dorm room was chaos. His parents agreed on paying the extra fee for having a room on his own, due to the fact that they didn’t even have to pay anything else. The scholarship covered most costs.

He moved into his room, his family and Kuroo helping him carry all the boxes inside, boxed that would not be unpacked fully until months later.

If everything was bad while he was taking his stuff in, it got worse once his family left and Kuroo hung back a little longer to say goodbye.

Kuroo always noticed when he was more quiet than usual, when he was in a bad mood, when he was about to cry or all three at the same time. This was no exception.

“Kenma… will you be okay?” He asked as the door closed behind them, Kenma’s parents leaving them two alone in his new room.

Kenma wasn’t even able to answer. He simply wasn’t okay and he wasn’t sure if he would ever be 100% fine. He wanted to be in university, he really did. It was one of his life goals and being in such a prestigious one was even better.

But the pressure that he knew that he was going to be under was going to be hard to deal with alone, Kenma knew that.

He just wasn’t sure how he was going to cope with being alone, far away from home, away from his family, friends and Kuroo.

The taller boy pulled him into a tight and Kenma broke down crying and blabbering on about everything that was happening at that moment.

Kuroo promised him many things that day before he left. As he held Kenma and put strands of hair behind his ear, he whispered promises about visiting and calling and being fine and learning how to cope. Most of them were still to be proven right.

**Take me back to the basics and the simple life**

**Tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease**

**Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby**

**Holdin' on tight and sleepin' at night**

After a month of trying to deal with university and a particular harsh night of studying for an exam, Kenma had had enough.

He called his best friend in between tears.

“Kuroo, I want to go home…” He cried out. “Please, I can’t do this anymore, it’s too much and you’re not here.”

He wanted what he had before. He wanted his life in Tokyo with Kuroo and everyone in Nekoma and Hinata and volleyball and studying for tests at school and just the relaxed feeling that the future was too far away to think about yet.

He missed Kuroo’s comfort, because when he was in high school, he thought he knew what stress was, and he had needed his best friend a lot. Usually, when it was too much he’d either text him and a few minutes later, Tetsurou would appear through his window or he would suddenly climb through his best friend’s window.

The best way to reassure each other was at night holding each other. Kuroo’s fingers running through his bleached blonde hair was enough. Kuroo’s arms around him was enough. Kuroo’s fingers linked with his were enough. Even sometimes the small, soft kissed that Kuroo planted on his forehead, his cheek, his neck and sometimes even his lips would be enough.

When they needed a break and they needed to recharge, they would do it together. Every touch was more comforting than words could describe. As if it was a lullaby, as soon as their bodies were fitted perfectly with the other, they would instantly fall into a peaceful sleep.

Kenma needed sleep more than anything at night. He needed a break, he needed to recharge. He just wanted Kuroo, the closest and most important thing he was missing from home.

He called his best friend and although he wasn’t expecting much from him, maybe some reassurance that would be enough for him for the night, maybe the promise of a day when they would meet again, two hours later, there he was, Kuroo Tetsurou was knocking at his door and all of his coping problems were solved and forgotten for the little eternity they shared in Kenma’s room that night.

They still fitted each other perfectly, Kenma being small and fitting into Kuroo’s arms perfectly, little kisses in between hiccups that went unmentioned, kisses that wiped the tears away, kisses that made Kenma feel at home again.

And maybe Kuroo was him home.

He just wanted his old life back, wherever or whoever home was.

**And I'd never ever thought that I would say**

**I'm afraid of the life that I've made, I've made**

Kenma was scared of everything that was happening. University was a big challenge and a huge adventure, but not as fun as his mum has portrayed it.

He wasn’t sure how it happened. Filling out the papers, doing a test, getting into the best university amongst his option with a scholarship. He wasn’t sure how it happened.

But it did happen and he was scared of everything. He was scared of the pressure and the people and the teachers and being away from everyone he loved.

And he had never even thought about this until he was living it.

All his life, what happened after high school seemed like a distant thing that was going to happen to another person, yet here he was, the same Kozume Kenma, dealing with it all.

**Don't you worry about me**

**I'll be fine if I can breathe**

But when Kuroo was with him, he was home. He could breathe again, and maybe the time between one breath and the next, that usually came every few weeks when Kuroo wasn’t busy, was more bearable as time went on.

As long as Kenma could have those little breaks from everything, just a little ease from the burden and he could take a break, he was sure he was going to be fine.

As long as he could count on Kuroo.


	5. THE QUIET (Kuroken)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last Kuroken of this series I'm sorry

**Used to give each other the world, every bit**

**I used to be the one you'd come to**

**When it'd all go to shit**

**Now I'm left here in the dust**

**With the taste of broken trust**

Since him and Kenma had moved out into their own apartment and started attending university together, they had both grown a lot.

Kenma was now able to go out and shop for groceries without getting distracted by his phone and walking into things and Kuroo was able to cook a decent meal. Both of them could also do the dishes.

Over the past year, out of them two, Kenma had been the one who had grown up the most. He wasn’t as socially awkward and he didn’t depend much on Kuroo anymore, except for a few exceptions where Kenma didn’t know anyone in a place or when he couldn’t reach something that was too high off the ground for the shorter boy to reach.

They were 20 and 21 years old. Kuroo was about to finish his course on chemistry and Kenma was all about coding and graphics.

They had moved out as soon as Kenma finished high school. Their parents were sure that they could manage on their own and they were sure that having each other would be enough. Enough from home for them to be comfortable with each other, but not enough for them to stick with the same people all the time, forcing them to hang out with other students.

Kenma and Kuroo lived in a small apartment near their university. It was a bit cramped, but with two people, two boys that had been at each other’s side since childhood, it was perfect for them. It had one bathroom, two rooms, a living room and a kitchen. It wasn’t a big deal but they had managed to make it cosy and completely theirs.

They both loved their lives. They felt like adults and they had their boyfriend by their side. They were comfortable and happy.

But there was one thing that bothered Kuroo, something that should’ve not bothered him at all.

Kenma, since he had moved with him, had become more confident. He talked to people with more ease and his shoulders, that used to always fall forward, showed now the signs of a confident young man.

Kuroo even remembered, that once, Kenma said that he kept his hair long to keep his line of vision smaller (and he admitted a few weeks after that it was also because Kenma knew that Kuroo liked long hair), but now, the only reason that was keeping him from getting a new style, and why he kept it long and bleached, was because he liked it and he was used to it. He usually tied his hair back in a short ponytail now.

He loved the way his boyfriend and best friend had developed a lot more confidence but that also meant that Kenma needed Kuroo less and less.

Kuroo was scared that one day, Kenma would leave because he could be by himself.

At night, the first few months, they would hang out in one of their rooms, study there and be with each other.

Now, Kenma, being smart and being at the top of most of his classes, was always getting asked to go to someone’s place to help them study, and him, being kind as he was, never declined.

So the nights were often spent with Kuroo making dinner for two, that Kenma would eat when he got home, then studying, then waiting in his bed for Kenma to get back. He would read, or listen to music, and sometimes he would fall asleep and wake up with a tiny body in between his arms in the middle of the night.

He was pretty scared, because the boy who once needed him more often than not, was now an adult who could basically handle himself. The boy who was scared of thunder, who needed help when meeting new people and was usually immersed in video games, was now independent, confident and a social butterfly.

It didn’t mean that sometimes Kenma needed a break from anything and those were the days in which everything felt like it was returning back to normal. But then after a recharge over the weekend, Kenma would go back out there to his classmates and friends and autonomy.

He had wished many times when they were younger, that Kenma would have less trouble socialising, because he knew how hard it was for him and how much he wanted to be better at it. But now Kenma was in the opposite of the spectrum and Kuroo just wanted both of them to be in a middle ground.

 _Be careful what you wish for_ , _Kuroo._

Now he was waiting in bed, another night in which he was left to wait for Kenma and he was determined to talk to him.

_Talk to him. He’s your boyfriend. You’ve known him since you were 8. Talking is important, he’ll understand. It’s fine._

He was scared of losing Kenma. He missed the little kitten that would not speak for days because he was so into a game. He missed that tiny boy that was quiet and he missed having Kenma by his side constantly. It was weird, yes, because he was depending on the boy that once depended on him.

He needed to talk things over, how he felt as if he was being left.

He wanted to talk to Kenma.

He needed to talk to Kenma.

Kuroo wasn’t going to let those negative emotions bottle up and let them go into something unhealthy and bad. Talking is the key to a good relationship, he was completely aware of that.

Kenma opened the door and Kuroo rose from his bed and walked into the hallway to meet his tiny boyfriend with bleached blonde hair.

He sighed and got ready to speak.

It was enough silence. The quiet was too much.


	6. DKLA (IwaOi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the only thing Iwaizumi could provide was shitty makeout sessions and sex that seemed to mean something at the moment, not the love he needed and deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this was meant to be a super great smut but since I started writing this, I have realised I'm completely unable to write smut, so I turned it into this (whatever the hell it is) thing.

**When we tried it,**

**We were a fire with no smoke**

**Rags to riches**

**But I’m addicted to being broken.**

Iwaizumi pressed his lips against Oikawa’s.

It was rough and full of need. Ever since they finished school and they were apart, each reunion was full of touches and desires. They used each other, touched each other but never dared to date.

They had tried it, and for the first month or two it seemed to work. Skype calls and weekends together. But it seemed off. It didn’t feel right. There was some type of barrier that as much as they could, they could not break. It stood right in between them.

Not only a barrier, but there was something else. Something dark, that crept up and wrapped around their minds. The distance wasn’t right and at that stage it was impossible to fix their situation. They were growing apart, life was like that

At the end, after another few months of struggling to break through, they decided to break up. Iwaizumi brought up the idea, and Oikawa cried. He cried more than any other time Hajime was there. They were both heartbroken but they realised that it was for the best. The needed to move on.

But old habits die hard and every reunion was composed of this.

Whether it was Tooru visiting Hajime or vice versa, they would meet in their apartment. Oikawa would usually let out a high-pitched “Iwa-chan” before Hajime would walk in, slam the door and press his lips hard against his friends.

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t doing them any good at all, doing this every time they saw each other.

Leaving the status of their relationship in a limbo between lovers and friends, where the line got blurrier and blurrier each visit, wasn’t helping anyone.

Hajime could no admit that he missed Oikawa and he wanted to do more than just making out and sometimes even fucking when they saw each other. He wanted their dates back, the cuddles. All of it. It was tearing him apart.

Tooru, on the other hand, was completely willing to let him emotions show. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure on whether he was always that sensible since they moved out, or it happened when he was there, but their weekends together had many tears coming from Tooru.

Whatever the hell they were doing, it was breaking them, it was causing so much damage. But they were addicted to it.

**When I close my eyes I still see your ghost**

**What do I do now?**

**I don’t keep love around.**

Hajime had been inside Tooru’s room for exactly two minutes. Oikawa was already pinned against the wall, his hands unable to move due to Iwaizumi’s grip. Their mouths collided, over and over, passion-filled kisses.

Hajime let go of Tooru’s hands, which then started moving all over Hajime’s skin. Each touch was an electric shock to Iwaizumi.

He moved down from Oikawa’s lips down to his neck, where he started sucking, biting and nibbling in different spots, leaving a trail of love marks down to his collarbone.

“Iwa-chan, I missed you so much.” He said. “I need you with me, Iwa-chan. Oh how I missed you.”

Hajime’s heart skipped a beat with his statement. Although he did not stop the work that his lips and hands were doing on Oikawa, that would undoubtedly leave the boy moaning, begging and Iwaizumi on top of him, his mind started racing with the usual thoughts.

He never stopped thinking about Tooru. They had grown up together, dated for years, and broken up too abruptly and still hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other.

He dreamed of Oikawa, of being back with him, he saw him when he closed his eyes. Most of his time was spent thinking about what happened between the two.

It broke his heart to hear Oikawa say those words so honestly, that he missed him, that he _needed_ him. He said them so wholeheartedly, it broke his heart because each visit was another heartbreak. He knew what Oikawa thought, that maybe, just maybe this time, Iwaizumi would stay and they would get back together, and each time, Hajime never failed to disappoint.

Each goodbye came with tears, with “ _I love you”_ and “ _I need you”._ They were filled with “ _Please don’t leave me.”, “I don’t want to go, Iwa-chan.”_ _“Come back, please”._

It broke his heart because Oikawa longed with his heart to be back with Iwaizumi, Iwa-chan, Hajime.

He wanted everything they had back. And a bunch of shitty make-out sessions, sex that seemed to mean something at the moment, and love marks that seemed to linger for longer that they showed were the only things Hajime could give him. Oikawa took them all too eager and too keen, hoping that he would get more and scared that he would never get any of it again at the same time.

It was heartbreaking, because they could not keep what they had originally. Love was hard to keep.

And these meetings were just a bunch of poor excuses that seemed to replicate love for a few hours.

He hated everything he was doing to Oikawa, but Iwaizumi Hajime could not keep Oikawa Tooru’s love.


	7. TALK ME DOWN (BokuAka)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi breaks up with Bokuto and Bokuto can't sleep

**I wanna sleep next to you**

**But that's all I wanna do right now**

**And I wanna come home to you**

**I wanna hold hands with you**

**But that's all I wanna do right now**

**And I wanna get close to you**

**Cause your hands and lips still know their way around**

 

It had only a been a few weeks since Akaashi had broken up with Bokuto and he hadn’t been able to sleep. Or eat, or smile.

It happened on a Friday, during afternoon practice. It was raining outside and Bokuto was having the time of his life, spiking and joking around with his whole team. Little did he know that his world was about to come crashing down.

Akaashi was acting weird, something that Bokuto only noticed after they had finished and he hadn’t made any remarks about Bokuto’s lively attitude. He didn’t tell him to calm down because he was too loud. He didn’t speak at all.

When Bokuto had tried to hold his hand as the team made their way into the change room and Akaashi refused, he knew something was wrong.

Bokuto remembered it all too well.

It only took four words. Four words that turned Bokuto’s life upside down.

“I need a break” He said, avoiding eye contact with him. Then Akaashi turned around and left. There was no explanation. Just four words and then proceeding to avoid Bokuto.

It had been exactly two weeks.

Bokuto wasn’t smiling anymore, his teammates noticed that. And Akaashi took over as the team vice-captain because: “Bokuto-san isn’t feeling very well so we should give him a break.”

Akaashi knew exactly what he was doing.

They had been dating for a year and a couple of months.

They were used to sleeping at each other’s houses, they were used to the way their bodies fitted perfectly with the other’s.

Bokuto needed Akaashi.

He didn’t feel hungry anymore. He didn’t laugh. And it was all Akaashi’s fault because _why the hell did he have to break up with him so suddenly and so damn harshly. He didn’t even apologize. He didn’t say why. He avoided looking at me and said only four stupid words and everything was over and I have no idea why._ Bokuto thought to himself at least twenty times a day.

He wanted to sleep with Akaashi. He was the only one who was able to soothe him down to sleep and stop him from his racing thoughts every night.

He wanted to sleep next to Akaashi and feel skin against skin. He wanted to hold him and make sure that he was there, he was truly there. He wanted to sleep next to Akaashi, to feel his breath against the crook of his neck, to feel Akaashi’s fingers running through Bokuto’s hair, easing him to sleep, but he couldn’t.

He wanted home. Akaashi was his home. He needed Akaashi to be with him. To identify with weaknesses by number and have a plan of action for each one of them, because Akaashi used to care so much about Bokuto that he knew how to recognize and deal with each and every one of Bokuto’s downs.

Home was love and Akaashi represented just that to Bokuto and he needed home the most right now, but, where do you go when there’s no home that wants you there?

Bokuto didn’t know. He was lost.

He wanted to get Akaashi’s long, bony fingers interlaced with his. He just wanted to hold hands and kiss his soft lips and feel Akaashi close to him because he was lost without Akaashi and he was gone.

He wanted his boyfriend back, the only one who could help him sleep.

He can’t sleep without Akaashi.

He needs Akaashi back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been writing pretty angsty stuff lately, I just seem to gravitate towards that area a lot more often than I'd like to.   
> I'm also super sorry I haven't posted in awhile but I've been busy and hella stressed and feeling emotionally like shit and other things as well so I wasn't really able to write anything until now.  
> I hope you liked it!  
> Please leave a comment!


	8. COOL (TsukkiYama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei thinks Yamaguchi is cooler than him.

**I was just trying to be cool**

**I was just trying to be like you**

**I'm a spark and you're a boom**

**What am I supposed to do?**

There had always been that one question that bothered Kei every day.

_Why does Yamaguchi think I’m cool?_

Well, he did understand the train of thought that went on inside Tadashi’s head. He was kind of an asshole to anyone, was immune to anyone’s hate and for him, everything that anyone said could be fought off with a sarcastic comment full of salt and a grin.

Yamaguchi, being the kind, gentle kid he had always been, had been bullied during the years previous to their first meeting. For a kid who was bullied like that, for things he could not even control, like his beautiful freckles, seeing someone who could stand up to the tormentors that easily, with a cold and short comment that delivered a hard enough hit on the aggressor’s mind, was the coolest thing a kid like Tadashi could ever see.

At first, Yamaguchi had been kind of annoying, clinging onto Kei for dear like, too scared to be on his own, too amazed to look at anyone else but Tsukishima, but as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, he grew fond to the boy and his freckles, and his contagious laugh, a toothless smile and eyes that lit up.

So the question wasn’t exactly, _why did Yamaguchi think he was cool?_ He got that part. He knew what Tadashi thought of him and he couldn’t really blame the shorter boy.

The question was more like: _Why does Yamaguchi appreciate only Olympic douchebaggery as a manifestation of cool?_ Or _Why doesn’t Yamaguchi realise that he acts, so kindly and nicely, was also cool?_ Better yet: _Why did Yamaguchi Tadashi think so lowly of himself that he didn’t think he was cool at all, and the complete opposite of himself, or in other words, Tsukishima Kei, was the epitome of cool?_

Kei hated this.

He hated the fact that Yamaguchi thought Kei was cool. Because the way that he acted wasn’t cool at all. Kei was a natural-born asshole. He was able to make everyone hate him with hurtful comments delivered almost instantly, sometimes out of sheer spite, sometimes to get a laugh out of someone else’s expense or sometimes to defend himself.

Tsukishima wasn’t sure why he did it. Maybe it was because he’d seen how people could be and he wanted to shield himself of that and leave a small space for Yamaguchi to slide in and live in a world where only them two mattered.

But he didn’t think it was cool at all.

In fact, he knew it was the least cool thing he could do.

But Yamaguchi was a completely different story.

If Tadashi saw Kei as someone cool, Kei was a spark but Tadashi was a boom.

What Kei could try to do to be cool, Tadashi could naturally do it.

For Tsukishima, being cool was a matter of how well you treated people.

Yamaguchi was shy, but kind.

He spoke to everyone with a smile on his face and listened attentively when someone else spoke. His words were only words of encouragement towards other. He told people when they were doing a good job. He was gentle. He never did anything to make anyone else feel bad. He was a freckled angel in this sinful earth.

Yamaguchi’s presence felt like a warm hug, or the first day of spring, or the feeling you get on the inside after drinking hot chocolate. Or even that feeling you get when you’re in love.

Yamaguchi was all of that.

Yamaguchi had the coolest personality. He had the cutest hair and the best freckles in the world.

Yamaguchi was so cool, so damn naturally, that Kei could not help but to be in awe.

“You’re so cool, Tsukki!” Tadashi exclaimed after a particularly good block.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He answered, as usual, but this time there was something else to say.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” The shorter boy said as he walked away to talk to Hinata.

“You’re way cooler than me, Yamaguchi. Don’t call me cool because you’re cooler.”

Tadashi’s face went completely red. His cheeks were flushed, and his face looked surprised, more than anything.

“I’m really not, Tsukki”

How the hell could he not see it? Kei was a horrible person, just like everyone else, and Tadashi was kind in a world where no one else would be.

Everything that Yamaguchi Tadashi was and would be, was naturally a thousand times cooler than Kei could ever hope to be.

 


	9. HEAVEN (TsukkiYama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima grew up in a very religious family. Gross, disgusting, wrong. Those were all words that his family used to describe queerness.  
> He was scared of his feelings for Yamaguchi. He loved him, but he was scared of what would happen

**This voice inside**

**Has been eating at me**

**Trying to replace the love that I fake**

**With what we both need**

Tsukishima hated to admit it, but he was scared.

After growing up in a very uptight, religious family (and yes, they were in Japan, and he had no idea how Christianity got into a family with a grandmother so fixated in keeping culture alive), and after figuring out many things about himself, he was scared of his feelings and what he thought.

It had been at school, first, when he found out what ‘gay’ was. It was one of those rare times in which Yamaguchi had arrived to school earlier than him, and since he was such a kind and lovely kid, he was a very easy prey with Kei wasn’t there.

“You’re disgusting.”

“What a gay piece of shit.”

“Faggot.”

The kids, older than both of them, crowded around Tadashi, and screamed out those awful things at his best friend, and only stopped once Kei had told them to piss off.

He spent the day helping Yamaguchi out, to bring him back to his feet after another horrible bullying incident.

Tsukishima was only 8 and he found out what gay was, in the worst possible way.

“Mum, what’s a faggot?” He asked, not knowing how bad things would be.

Everyone’s faces dropped and went as pale as if they had seen a ghost.

“Kei, don’t you ever say that word again!” His mum scolded him.

Then his father broke out of his surprised trance: “Kei, I will be blunt and honest with you. You’re old enough to start understanding how this world works and what is right and what is wrong.” He had said.

“The word you just said, is a really bad way to put the word ‘gay’, son.” Tsukishima’s mind went back to the older kid’s voice, attacking Tadashi. “People who are, well…um, gay, are _sinful_ people who do _wrong_ things.”

“You know how me and your mother act, because we are married? We kiss and hold hands. Well, gay people are men who do that, with other men. It’s _disgusting_ and _gross._ Those people, gay people, are going to hell, for disobeying God.”

Sinful. Wrong. Disgusting. Gross.

Gay.

All these words, Kei associated with one another for years. Something bothered him at the back of his mind constantly, although he could not quite tell what it was.

And many years later, when he is 15 and starting High School, many realisations hit him at once.

Number one: Gay can be a broader thing than just two guys dating.

Number two: Everyone in the Volleyball team (and most volleyball teams in the area. Maybe gays did get close to one another without realising) was some type of queer. (Or at least, most of it)

Number three: Yamaguchi was bisexual.

About Kei’s realisation; he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Over the years, a Bible was bashed into his head, with fear inside it. He never knew anything else, any other idea, until high school where all his views collided and suddenly he didn’t know what to think or do. How was he going to deal with his best friend being something he was taught, was horribly wrong?

And realisation Number four: Tsukishima Kei himself, was gay and in love with Yamaguchi Tadashi.

There was something about his best friend that made him feel the way he did.

And he was scared.

Scared of judgement. Scared of his parents. Scared of his brother. Scared of what a God that he had only been taught was there to punish him would do.

So, being relatively attractive, he got himself a girlfriend.

She was pretty, yes. Very pretty, in fact, she had really nice hair and eyes, she had freckles and was overall, just very good looking. She was kind, gentle and patient. She was what Tsukishima would’ve wanted, if he was straight.

He wanted to love her, she deserved that much. But he couldn’t help his feelings for Yamaguchi.

Kei asked her out on a date, because he was scared of everything.

Yamaguchi had told Kei about his sexuality a year earlier. It hadn’t been awkward from Tadashi, but Kei was just very confused.

“So, I like you, I guess. I just wanted to let you know that.” Tadashi had said one starry night, quietly. He then proceeded to tell him that it was okay if he could never reciprocate his feelings and moved on to something else.

**Without losing a piece of me**

**How do I get to heaven?**

**Without changing a part of me**

**How do I get to heaven?**

But even with a girlfriend and Yamaguchi constantly reassuring him that it was fine that he didn’t like him back, he felt horrible.

He loved Yamaguchi. He was everything he ever wanted. Ever since they were little, he had protected Yamaguchi from everything bad that could happen, and as a reward, he was loved by the shorter teen.

He loved Yamaguchi and his little, quiet giggle.

He loved Yamaguchi and his stupid freckles that were so beautiful and so perfect, they held many constellations within them.

He loved Yamaguchi and the way he blushed a little every time he got a compliment.

He loved Yamaguchi and how lovely and kind and gentle and angelic and pure and beautiful he was.

Kei was madly in love with Tadashi.

When the night was settled in, it was late and his whole family was sleeping, Kei, who had been tossing and turning all night, resolved to something he never thought he would do.

“So, um… God. I know I never pray or whatever and I haven’t really believed in you, mostly because of my parent’s obsession. But I’m really scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go to hell, but I love Yamaguchi so much. I don’t know what’s taken over me but I’m scared. I feel so wrong trying to cover it up. And I’m scared of going to hell but I’m even more scared about lying to everyone and living unhappy. So I beg, God, don’t send me to hell. I don’t want to change anything this part of myself, but I want to go to heaven. Is there a way?”

Kei was done running away from his feelings. He was scared, but he loved Yamaguchi and he wanted to be with his angel.

 


	10. YOUTH (DaiSuga)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I finally got this one done like !!!!! It took me so long to finish this one off and it was possibly the hardest chapter to write yet. Daisuga is just too much of a pure ship and I had heaps of ideas concerning youth and these two.  
> But here it is!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it  
> Leave some feedback!!

**What if**

**What if we run away?**

**What if**

**What if we left today?**

**What if**

**We said goodbye to safe and sound**

Suga remembered the day it had all started. When him and Daichi started their life together.

Him and Daichi were hanging out at Daichi’s house, after they had graduated and were preparing to go away for university. It was a stressful time for both of them, packing their things up and most importantly, mentally preparing themselves for the next challenge of their lives.

“Hey Suga. What if we moved in together?” Daichi suggested all of a sudden, while laying down in his bed and staring at the ceiling. “Our uni’s aren’t really that far away from each other so we could find a place in the middle of the two, if you want.”

Daichi almost never did things like that. Suggesting things out of nowhere, just to see where things would go from there. Daichi always had a plan, that had all outcomes and risks considered meticulously. But this one time, he suggested something big, something huge, at least for Suga’s heart that had been crushing on Daichi for the last three or so years.

Living with Daichi proved to be the easiest and the hardest thing for the silver haired boy to do.

He was glad that he had agreed to Daichi’s idea because, he enjoyed living in an apartment with his best friend, feeling like at home every day after coming back from their respective universities.

It was fun, to have someone who cooked breakfast for you, someone who would help you clean up, someone who was always there. It was the best of fun to have Daichi, his best friend, the person he trusted the most, the person he loved the most, with him every day, just across the hallway, waking him up every day.

It was also not fun, to move in with your best friend whom you’ve been crushing on for years because, as Suga had painfully experienced, there is no way to control your emotions when you’re near them most of your free time. Suga had to wake up every morning to the sight of Daichi’s kind expression, while his calloused hand gently shook him by the shoulder.

It was also not fun, because Suga had to deal with a lot more sights of Daichi in his underway and the way his perfectly sculpted body looked. Suga had to deal with Daichi’s beautiful smile every day and his laugh and everything that Daichi was, was always so close to Suga, yet so far away, blocked by the barrier of friendship and repressed feelings.

**What if**

**What if we're hard to find**

**What if**

**What if we lost our minds?**

**What if**

**We let them fall behind, and they're never found**

“Hey Suga, do you want to run away?”

“What?!”

“Let run away. For the weekend. You, me. We drop everything right now, we buy some supplies from the corner shop and we drive as far as we can before we have to come back. We don’t tell anyone where we are, we just go. Wanna do that?”

“Isn’t that the perfect murder scenario, though?”

“I promise I won’t attempt to kill you, even if you burnt our toast this morning, Suga… So, what do you think?”

“Daichi,” Suga said in that cute, slight high-pitched tone that he used to say his name, ever-so-sweetly, because that was the type of person Suga was. “We’re meant to be studying, we have exams in two weeks!”

“Yeah, but that’s two weeks away and how fun would it be to grab the car and see how far we can get before we get tired? Just imagine it… driving down the highway, with the summer’s breeze coming in through the window, blasting our favourite music…” Daichi pictured. _And the only thing that matters is you and I, Suga. Just us._ He wanted to add, but he was too scared to do so.

Daichi would only confess his feelings for Suga if his plan to run away from the weekend went well and he could say those three little words when the cares of the world were swept away from them by the night, the moon, the stars and the highway.

He loved Suga, more than words could describe. He loved his hair, and his eyes, and his nose, his giggles, his kindness, his beauty mark, his angelic personality. Daichi loved the way Suga’s eyes would crinkle a little bit in the corners when he smiled. Daichi loved Suga’s genuine smile, that was so heart-warming, it could probably make a winter’s day feel like summer. Daichi loved waking Suga up every morning, and the way he mumbled a little, asking for a few more minutes of sleep. The way his hair was messy after he woke up, but only for a few minutes, since Suga’s first priority was to look presentable for breakfast. Daichi loved the way Suga’s presence felt like a candle, always there, giving off light for everyone, even when not make people noticed it, but it was always there and it was always constant light and warmth for whoever was close enough to feel it.

“Fine.” Suga answered, a mix of reluctance and amusement in his voice. “But give me half an hour to pack clothes and some food, so we don’t have to spend too much money on snacks.”

“Sure”

Daichi loved that day and he cherished the memory of it.

After they had both packed up some clothes and some food, and the sun was setting on the horizon, they got into their crappy old car and Daichi started driving.

This was what true bliss felt like, it was running away, leaving for no reason and leaving all cares behind. It was going on an adventure with your best friend, the person you loved the most, in a shitty little car that you both bought as the sun was setting.

And maybe it was the wind that blew away all worries or maybe it was the stars that shined over them, or even maybe the loud music that Suga had chosen to play, a whole album full of songs about love and those years of one’s life in which everything can be an adventure, those years of one’s youth.

So, all cares leaving through the window, wind blowing Suga’s beautiful silver hair, words of love pumping through the radio, Daichi decided to let go of everything and start to love out loud.

“Suga, I-I have to tell you something”

“Yeah?” His carefree tone reassured Daichi, allowing the next three words leave with more ease.

“I love you”

“Oh”

Suga’s cheeks were blushing deeply, and his expression showed surprise and didn’t let any other emotion show.

“Dai, pull over.” The silver haired boy said, his voice denying even the slightest hint of what he was thinking slip through.

Scared that he had messed up, he stiffly did as he was told, moving the car to the side of the road.

When the car came to a full stop, Daichi’s heart was beating quickly, as if it was going to pop out of his chest, and his mind was racing with a million ways to apologize and another million to excuse himself.

“Look Suga, I’m so- “

At that moment, suddenly Suga’s lips were pressed against his own, Suga’s kiss cutting that last word short, letting all his emotions out in one kiss.

The kiss was rough and passionate, it was a kiss that told each other their feelings with the simple, touch of their lips in contact.

Suga’s lips were soft and small, they were playful and gentle in their own way. They were everything that the lips that belonged to someone such as Sugawara Koushi should be.

Their lips danced with each other, Suga biting into Daichi’s bottom lip playfully and gently. Somewhere along the way, Daichi’s left hand had made its way to cup Suga’s cheek and the other one had started running fingers through Suga’s soft hair.

The touch in between Daichi’s and Suga’s lips had made sent sparks to their bodies, a spark that worked it’s way from the brain, that since then was unable to process everything quite well, then to their hearts and their skin, that made everything feel perfectly right and lastly to their stomach, where butterflies and fireworks alike created the feeling of love.

When it had been too much for them and their brains screamed for air, although it had been way too short for them, the kiss was broken, and Suga rested his forehead on Daichi’s.

“That was awesome. Can we do that again, Dai?” Suga asked, breathless but keen to taste Daichi’s lips once more.

“I- Yeah...”

“I love you too, Dai”

**My youth**

**My youth is yours**

**Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls**

**My youth**

**My youth is yours**

**Run away now and forevermore**

**My youth**

**My youth is yours**

**The truth so loud you can't ignore**

**My youth**

**My youth**

**My youth**

**My youth is yours**

“Hey Dai, what if we got married like right now?”

Daichi almost choked on his drink. “What?”

“Well, I really love you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met, you put up with me. I’ve known you since first year of high school, Dai. Our years of youth, have been truly _ours. ours._ We have spent so much time together and there are no words that can describe how much I love you. I want you to have my youth years. Hell, I want you to have all of my years. I want to live with you until I die, Dai. I love you, and your hair and your smile and the way that you have to cook dinner but you can’t make breakfast, and the way your hair looks when you wake up in the morning. And how your skin glows when it’s early in the morning and the first rays of sun hit you. I love how you make me wake up to see the sunrise every second Sunday without fail. I just love everything about you, Dai. So I think we should get married.”

**'Cause we've no time for getting old**

**Mortal bodies, timeless souls**

Suga loved Daichi with everything he could. He felt, the minute he met him, that they would click perfectly. He wanted to live his life with Daichi, spend every minute with him, living life with every day a new adventure, whether it was moving in together, running away or getting married. He wanted to live a life with Daichi in which, even if they were getting older, they were timeless souls, meant to be, meant to meet each other and love each other, forever. Their bodies would stop eventually, but their souls would find each other again and again.

Living with Daichi until his last day, was the best thing he could do, because Daichi had given him his life, his youth years, and Suga had given him his.


	11. LOST BOY (Kagehina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes them some time before they're ready to be found

**So what are you waiting for?**

**'Cause someone could love you more**

**I'm just a lost boy, lost boy**

“Kageyama, we need to talk,” The sunshine boy said to his boyfriend, sitting in front of him, across the table in a busy café. “Tobio, come on, love.”

He knew he looked exhausted. He had bags under his eyes and his raven black hair was messy, like a bird’s nest. He was wearing a loose, white shirt and sweatpants. Everything showed that he was tired.

Hinata grabbed his hand in order to get him out of his daze. Kageyama jumped to the touch that he had missed for the last three months.

“What were you saying? I sorta zoned out, sorry.” He apologized lazily.

“I was saying we need to talk, Bakeyama.” Hinata said as lovingly as possible, while keeping the serious tone that came with the topic that they were about to discuss. Tobio had never seen Hinata like this: his face was a mixture of reluctance, determination, seriousness and sadness.

Kageyama’s sleepiness shook off with those words, those words that Hinata barely managed to spit out, those words that were about to change everything that he and Shoyou had built over their years together.

They met at Hinata’s last match of middle school (Kageyama’s team managed to play a few other matches before losing and getting kicked out of the competition that year). Back then, he was a selfish, self-centered brat and he knew that. Hinata, on the other hand, was hard-working and passionate and very unfortunate to not end up in a middle school with more volleyball players than himself. His fourteen-year-old self hated the fact that although he had many adversities, Hinata managed to keep on playing.

But when they both showed up at Karasuno High School, and Daichi forced them to work together, they clicked and, as they worked their way to Nationals with the rest of their team, their partnership turned into a legitimate friendship, that would later blossom into something deeper.

They relied on each other in the court and outside of it, whether they realised of on not. They spent their afternoons together, playing video games and practicing their quicks, but it wasn’t until the end of their second year that they realised they were seeing each other as more than just friends.

It was one of the last days in which the third years were still there. Ennoshita had already chosen the team captain for the following year, and although both Hinata and Kageyama had hoped to be chosen, none of them did. Yamaguchi Tadashi was the chosen captain.

That night, Kageyama ran from training as soon as it was over, Hinata chasing after him.

Hinata found him sitting in a corner, with tears of frustration in his eyes. He thought he deserved leading a team, he knew that he had improved both his skill and his personality over the years. He wanted the captaincy.

And if his emotions weren’t bad enough already, when he heard footsteps approaching him, he looked up to see Hinata’s eyes clouded with tears of disappointment.

It was that the night in which they saw each other and made the decision they never wanted to see the other like that.

That night, although they were still too young, they promised each other forever in between sloppy, messy kisses and tears.

From there on, they built a relationship that only grew stronger, even when things were looking dire. They managed to push through adversities such as graduation and different universities.

But only a year into their first year of university, their volleyball career grew as much as the periods in between visits did. The sport that one united them and got them together, had now separated them.

“I don’t think we can do this anymore”

“Do what?”

“This, Tobio. This whole thing,” Hinata looked distressed. “I barely ever see you anymore, our games barely ever coincide so when I’m away, you’re here and when you’re gone, I stay. And in those rare times when the two of us are together, you or me are tired and can barely keep our eyes open for at least an hour, while we go out. And I know this time it’s you that got back but when it’s be that just came home, I just…” He hesitated. “I just feel so guilty and horrible, Bakeyama because I can’t do anything with you because I’m exhausted. It’s just really complicated and I never thought this would happen like this. I’m so sorry”

By now, the orange haired boy was in tears and was squeezing Kageyama’s hand. While the dreadful words left the smaller boy’s mouth, Kageyama felt his world crashing down. Suddenly all of the noise outside was gone and his sunshine was gone too. He knew he looked, most of all, dumbfounded, but he had no other way to reach to what his boyfriend, his ray of sunshine, the one he loved the most, was saying.

“A-Are you saying… what I think you’re saying, Hinata?” Those words felt heavy. They felt wrong. They tasted gloomy and dark in his lips, but they were the only words he could manage to mutter in reaction to Hinata’s confession.

“Y-Yes. I’m sorry.” Hinata cried out. “I love you so much. You make me better. Without you, I am not the same, Kageyama. I love you so much. I love waking up with you, or knowing that you’re coming home. I love getting coffee with you. I have always loved sharing our passion for volleyball. I love you more than anything Kageyama.”

The world around them faded and they were in a bubble where only them and their words mattered.

“But we can’t do this. I love you, but right now, you deserve better. You deserve someone who is able to keep up with your schedule. You don’t deserve something like what I can give you, it’s just not enough. I hate to do this, but you would be able to find someone in no time. I know you could find someone who can love you more, who can love you better. I’m sorry”

 

Two years, many failed attempts at dating and many more sleepless nights after, Kageyama was ready to give up.

He needed Hinata. Hinata made everything, including volleyball, make sense. Without Hinata, he didn’t know what to do.

He was at practice with his team. He was part of the National Team, yet his dream never felt so worthless as it did now, because that dream was also Hinata’s. He was amongst the best players of the country, yet he just felt like just another guy.

While he was on a break, he felt his phone vibrate. Long ago, his heart would’ve skipped a beat, hoping that it was a text to ask for forgiveness. But now, he just saw it as yet another text.

He checked it and the number he refused to delete from his contact list was asking him to meet him after his training session, at 8PM in a coffee shop nearby.

His thoughts could not stop racing for the rest of the night and as soon as he was done, he showered and hurried to the meeting place.

The night was dark but the stars were shining brightly to replace what the darkness took away. The moon was there too, but she was only a supporting character to the show the stars were putting on that night.

The café was the place in which it had all happened. He looked around, uncomfortable by the memories that the place held, trying to find someone short with bright orange hair.

“Oh, God. I’ve missed you so much.” He heard a voice say behind him.

“Hinata?” Kageyama replied as he turned around. He had changed his hairstyle, he knew that. And he also knew about those piercings and tattoos, but he never imagined he would’ve grown taller than before, into the average volleyball player height.

“Yeah.” He was wearing a coat, his hands were in his pockets and although he felt a little awkward, Kageyama knew he had to be there.

“Why, um, why did you ask me to meet you here?”

“Three reasons. Some news and a question.”

“G-Go ahead, Shoyou. I’m listening.” He had to concentrate on keeping his cool.

“Well, you’ll be seeing me tomorrow every training session.”

“What do you mean?”

“I got into the team, Tobio. We’re teammates once again.”

“That’s great.” He didn’t even know what to think. His mind was blank.

“And now I’ve got a question. But first I’ve got some things to say, if you don’t mind.”

Kageyama had never been too good at words himself but somehow Hinata had found home with them. He always knew what the right thing to say was and how to make it sound perfect.

“I miss you. I’ve missed you all these years, since that day, here at this café. I don’t think what I did was wrong, but it wasn’t the best decision either. I’ve tried to move on. But I can’t. I miss you and your hands and your hair and your eyes, your lips, your love. I miss you. I wasn’t ready to try and balance what we had and what I wanted, but now, tomorrow my dream starts. I am finally here, at the peak of my career. And I want you to be with me there. I know you’re in the court with me, but I want you to be there emotionally. I want to share this with you, the same way we share a dream.”

“A-Are you saying… what I think you’re saying, Shoyou.”

“Yeah. Kageyama, I was a lost boy, I didn’t want to be found. But I’m ready. Will you share my dream with me?”

Hinata’s lips were as soft and sweet as he remembered. They fitted perfectly with his, dancing in perfect harmony. The hands that had almost forgotten their place, were shyly exploring Hinata’s skin, holding his hips softly, as if it was the first time.

Many emotions collided at once, longing most of all.

They kissed until they were breathless and then they kissed again, as if it would be the last time those lips would taste each other.

And even if they were too young when they promised forever, they were two lost boys, two lost souls, but this time, they were ready to be found.


	12. For him. (Daisuga)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took so long!  
> I've been hella busy and my brain blocked my creative writing for a while and I had to think a lot to bring it back and have a good enough chapter
> 
> Hope you like it!  
> Please leave a comment
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!

**We've been making shades of purple out of red and blue**

It was during nights like this where they realised how much they balanced each other out. During the quiet of the night, when there was nothing but the dark outside and they held each other in their arms, it was a perfect time to reflect on their relationship and how beautiful and in love they were.

When Suga was the storm, Daichi was the calm. When Daichi thunder and storms, Suga was drizzle and small clouds.

Neither Suga or Daichi were either completely red or completely blue but their purple was the most beautiful shade there was.

Both of them were red and both of them were blue and they balanced each other out perfectly.

There were different times and different combinations. Some days, their perfect purple was soft, light and mellow, sometimes it was dark, almost black and lusty. Some days it was a clash of red and blue and sometimes the colours worked together in harmony. But it was always a perfect purple for them.

Anger was a clash of red and blue, in shades that didn’t make sense, it was messy and chaotic and, of course, angry.

Suga, when he was fully red, he was the sort of red that reminded Daichi of erupting volcanoes, with mad force that could destroy everything nearby. Suga was red when he was angry. Those were the instances where Daichi was fully blue and soothing.

Daichi knew, on the other hand, that his anger was icy blue, the sort that made everyone feel a chill down their spine. His anger was slow and sure to build; his anger was silent. His anger was blue and Suga was red.

This purple happened when Daichi was working his ass off for final exams and barely spoke to anyone, making the needy Suga angry at his boyfriend, since they barely spent any time together during those moments.

But most of their relationship was passionate and loving and caring and certainly not angry but most surely purple.

**We try staying up late**

**But we both are light weights**

This was the type of date night Daichi loved the most. Sleepovers, where they just tried to see who would go to sleep last (Suga failing to beat Daichi, every time) and played some board games, drank cheap wine and watched movies.

And tonight was no exception.

Suga had not even asked Daichi whether he was able to have a sleepover that night, he just showed up to their apartment with a bag that was filled with shitty rented movies, their favourite brand of cheap wine, plastic cups (because it’s go big or go home and shitty wine requires shitty cups), popcorn, chocolate and marshmallows.

“Alright, Daichi. Time to make a pillow fort.” He announced.

“What?”

“We’re having a sleepover. Tonight. Like, right now.”

“What? But I have class tomorrow!” Daichi protested in vain.

“Yes, I know that sweetie. But it’s not until 11 anyway and I would love to just cuddle up with you and watch some movies right now, Dai.”

Suga took a step closer with each word until his mouth was next to Daichi’s ear. He whispered, sensually:

“And maybe, I might start slowly kissing your neck, then slowly make my way down and, who knows what could happen, Dai?”

Daichi knew this was most likely not true, since Suga was the biggest lightweight and would get drunk with two cups of wine and then fall asleep straight away.

But a man could hope.

Also, Suga slept with his mouth slightly open which was very cute and very worth it.

“Okay, fine. But we’re starting now so we don’t go to bed too late.”

“Yeah!”

And so their evening started with the setting up of a pillow fort in their living room in front of the TV, putting all the cheap food into a fine looking tray and then putting their pyjamas on and setting up the first movie, of three.

Halfway through it, Suga broke the silence, with a tiny hiccup and a giggle.

“You’re very cute.”

And Suga was already drunk. His eyes were glossy and the words seemed to very slowly flow out of his mouth, like a river made from caramel.

“Thanks, Suga. You’re very cute too.”

He did mean that. Even when they fought, Daichi loved Suga. He thought that his silver hair was extremely attractive, especially when he was running his fingers through it. He loved staring at Suga’s eyes and loved to get lost in them. He loved his beauty mark that he used to be insecure of back in high school.

“I love you, Daichi.” He whispered, almost as if he was in awe of such a beautiful being having his arm wrapped around him.

“I love you, Suga. Go to sleep, you’re tired.”

“But I don’t wanna!” He complained like a five-year-old would.

“C’mon, Koushi. You’re drunk and tired and I don’t want to move so we might as well go to sleep because I’m not changing the movie.”

Calling Suga by his name seemed to work wonders. He pouted, and then leaned for a kiss. Daichi complied, kissing those chapped and sweet lips that were overwhelmingly Suga’s and tasted like chocolate and wine and home. It was a soft kiss, almost too soft like a flutter, that lasted only a few moments but was enough to convince drunk Suga to go to sleep.

“Nighty night, Dai. I love you a lot.” He said before falling asleep.

Suga and Daichi had been together since the end of their second year of high school. They realised their feelings for each other almost at the same time (according to Asahi, they asked him for help the exact same day as well) and although there had been some harder parts than others, Daichi did not regret a single bit of the journey.

It was moments like this, when he got to admire Suga in all his beauty while he slept, covered by night’s dark layer when Daichi realised that their domestic life was more than he could ever hope for.

Getting to fall asleep with Suga and getting to wake up next to Suga. Making breakfast, driving around and going grocery shopping was all made a lot more special when you found someone that made your red days and your blue days and the days when it was a mixture of the two turn into the perfect purple.

**All I need is you**

And Daichi knew, since the moment he met Suga, that he only needed him and his colour would always be purple.


	13. SUBURBIA (IwaOi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah say that, don’t tell me you’ll love me tomorrow. Say you love me tonight.”

**They all say that nothing ever changes**

**Through the new lines that are on their faces**

Their love had always been a thing of tragedies. It was a forbidden thing. It was secret. Their love was a painfully beautiful paradise. It was made of stolen kisses and sweet nothings that the wind took away. It was dreams of running away from everything that stopped them. It was being so close, yet so far away from each other. It was a love built on escapades and promises that were bound to be broken since the minute the words fell out of their mouths.

Their love was a poisoned rose. It was a love with a crystal clear glass wall in between them that allowed them to look, to wish but never to truly touch. Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s love was a love of endings before beginnings. Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s love was truly a tragedy.

It had only been a few months since Oikawa last saw Iwa-chan and he could not be more ecstatic to see him. Ever since he got that message from Iwa-chan a few months ago (maybe three or maybe ten) he had marked the date on the calendar and had been counting down the days ever since.

Hajime was away in another volleyball cup. He had achieved their dream for both of them.

Oikawa’s dream died the night the doctor told him he was to have surgery and would never play again at the level he was at. But the dream was given newfound life in the form of Iwaizumi Hajime.

For him, Iwa-chan was his saviour.

But sometimes, your saviour had other matter to attend and not just you, so Oikawa was left alone months at a time, studying some fairly interesting astronomy course at university. It wasn’t bad, his mind just wasn’t fully into it. After all, he knew he was smart enough. He just would much rather spend his time serving balls for Iwa-chan to spike.

He also knew that his saviour could be his end if he didn’t deal with it carefully. He knew that both his and Hajime’s families were traditionalists. Hell, for that matter, the whole fucking country counted as one big traditionalist shithole. Because when you realise that you can’t do as little as hold hands with the person you love, and not even dream of marrying them, every factor that makes that so becomes a shithole or an asshole.

So when he was 25 years old, and he had been dating a nice, fairly pretty girl in order to keep his family happy, he married that girl to make sure his façade would never drop. That day, he cried, and everyone thought he was crying happy tears, but he was just so heartbroken with the sight of an Iwa-chan formally dressed, looking ideally like a groom and the idea of them never marrying made him cry and he swore to himself that he would always make the most of every minute with his Iwa-chan, even if it had to be behind the closed doors of faraway hotel rooms.

And here they were, in a shitty hotel in the middle of nowhere, where their reunion was unravelling.

“What did you tell her this time?” Hajime asked as he kissed.

“Mum needs my help uh, moving out…” He answered in between sharp breaths of excitement.

“That’s a new one”

“She can’t move out every few months, idiot. And what are you even doing, Iwa-chan? Less talking, more making out please,” He said with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Shittykawa…” Iwa-chan said with a playful look to him, disapprovingly shaking his head before grabbing Oikawa by the shoulders and gently pushing him onto the bed.

As he started to climb on top of Oikawa and taking his shirt off, he took a minute to appreciate the beauty of the man he missed the most. He loved his hair and his glasses and the bridge of his nose and the way he looked flustered every time he kissed him. He loved running his hands through his body and tracing shapes with his calloused fingers.

When their lips finally met again, he heard the sound of Tooru’s impatient and needy voice promising forever to him.

“It’s always been you. No one else. Just you. It will always be you. Forever. I need you, Iwa-chan” He moaned.

“No, don’t say that,” Hajime said in between kisses to the neck. “Don’t say that word. Forever is a long time.”

“Why? Nothing will change.”

But truth be told, things change. They are in constant movement, shifting from one form to the next, never standing still and for sure never stopping. Things are always changing.

Whenever they promised each other forever, there was less of their time that made into the bargain. There were more responsibilities, more things at stake.

As time went by, they also got older, more mature. Everything changed during that time.

Coming home was always harder every time for Hajime. Home was where Oikawa was since he didn’t have much time at one place. He had never been able to call his house a home. Oikawa was always home.

Seeing Oikawa was heaven, it was a safe place. Oikawa meant hallelujah to him. It meant dropping every mask, finishing every act, every show being put aside and being who they were.

“Things change,”

“I still love you.

“Yeah say that, don’t tell me you’ll love me tomorrow. Say you love me tonight.”


	14. TOO GOOD (Tsukkiyama)

**And oh, I'm so scared**

**Oh I'm so scared**

**It's just for tonight**

Tadashi was always scared that one day, Kei would just get up from the bed they shared behind closed doors and never come back to him. Each night, as he slowly drifted to sleep in Tsukki’s arms, and he felt his cheeks burning from the flustering that came with their passion-filled activity, he always felts the heavy weight of anxiety drop as the thought of waking up alone and Kei leaving him settled.

He knew that the words that Kei whispered in between the nibbles he took at Tadashi’s neck were just sweet nothings, breath wasted that carried meaningless promises of forever that would fade away into the wind, being drowned away with the moans and the overwhelming sensations they felt, lust always settling in first place over their deeper feelings for each other.

He knew that Kei loved the freckles that covered his whole entire body because he always felt Kei’s butterfly kisses over them as he melted under Kei’s touch.

But what was to say he this wasn’t going to be the last time Kei kissed them before he grew used to them and got bored of him?

Each night that was possible, Tadashi asked Kei if he was asleep (after all, Kei had many classes to take in order to complete his course and he needed to sleep in order to achieve that) in an almost inaudible whisper. This night was not any different. This was how it always started. He couldn’t sleep so he asked his roommate, best friend and  ?? if he was still asleep, just to check.

But maybe this night was different. He wasn’t looking for what Tsukki called ‘help with sleeping’. He wasn’t looking for Kei’s hot touch in his skin, he wasn’t looking for kisses in the constellations that covered his body, he wasn’t looking for that feeling of release that came when both of them reached their climax together, Kei biting into his neck from behind, Tadashi’s face as flustered as he was pleasured. No, he wasn’t looking for the blissful heaven that he knew he could get. This time, he was looking for answers to the questions that said bliss arose.

After all, even the most blessed and most heavenly of orgasms was to be questioned if the blessed deity that provided it was unable to be tied down with a title or even a decent talk to define where the line between best friends and lover were. He needed to know if those sweet nothings were truly to be forgotten. He could not let go of those whispers until he was sure about their meaning.

“Tsukki…” He whispered as quietly as he could.

“Hmm?” The tall boy answered.

“Can I… Um-“

“Come here, Tadashi.” He saw Kei inviting him to lay down next to him.

“Okay”

He knew how this went. He would lay down and soon after he would feel Kei’s teeth biting his neck and soon after that, the hickeys would follow and from there, there’s no turning back. Once you enter heaven, you can’t leave halfway through your session with the angels.

So he had to put a stop to it now, before Kei’s hand’s got any further than they were under his shirt.

“Kei…stop”

“Hmm… What?”

“Stop, please.”

“Wai- What? Are you okay?!” He panicked as he heard the quiet sobs shake the smaller boy.

“Stop. Please. I-I can’t do this anymore.”

There was a silence, in which the sobs became more audible to Kei and gradually starting tearing his heart apart. Hearing Yamaguchi Tadashi cry was the most heartbreaking sound ever to exist.

“W-We need to talk, Tsukki”

And right there and then, Yamaguchi let go of every word that he had been bottling up, every fear, every anxious thought, every insecurity that Tadashi had was spit out. Nothing was left behind. His heart broke again, only now realizing the damage that he had caused. All the hurt Tadashi went through because of him.

“Wha- What the fuck are we? What is this, Tsukki? Am I just your toy, your little submissive pet to fuck whenever you want? When you tell me you love me, is it true or are you just saying it like you would say it to anyone else? Why?”

Tsukishima Kei was not a man of words. He didn’t like talking as much as he liked observing. He liked having the last word, being able to say something sarcastic. But that required wit. Tsukishima Kei was a quick-witted man. But something about Tadashi’s words, how those words flooded his senses, how he asked for answers with every word, with every question and with every plead, made his brain breakdown and left him defenseless.

“Because I’m scared. I’m scared of what else there is but a good fuck and the taste of your lips when all you can do is moan. _I’m scared of what I feel, Tadashi._ I am scared of what I feel because I don’t know what the hell I feel. I don’t know what the hell I want. Fuck, I don’t even know what I feel half of the time. I don’t understand my feelings. I don’t get it. But when I see you, I don’t think, I do. I want every inch of your skin. I want to see your face begging me.”

“But I also want to hold your hand and I want to hug you and just cuddle you and fuck I thought that before it was enough. And I don’t know if when I say forever it’s true. But I know that you’re perfect. And I love you. And I’m scared of that. I’m scared of breaking your heart. I’m scared of what will happen to me. I’m scared.”

Silence reigned over the moonlit room.

“You still haven’t answered one of my questions…” Tadashi said as he hugged his knees and sat in a corner on the bed.

“What?”

“What the fuck are we? Is this just for tonight?”

“We can be whatever you want us to be.”

“I love you.”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He said, then lightly pecked him on the lips and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. They had to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! I've been super distracted lately and I haven't been in the right mind to write (nothing bad just A Lot of Thoughts) but now I finally got some inspiration.
> 
> Anyway, my tumblr is lamstrashaf (it's really new,but I want to start my tumblr all over again and I want to start taking prompts as well) so cheeky follow? ;)
> 
> If you liked this chapter, leave a comment and look forward to the last chapter (or is it the last chapter??)


	15. BLUE (Asanoya)

**Used to see you high, now you're only low**

Yuu was confused ever since it happened.

Yeah, at first he was angry, very pissed, he was furious, he was frustrated. Then, he was disappointed. But in every second of the ordeal, he was confused.

He was confused as to why Asahi was so hard on himself. As to why Asahi blamed himself so much. As to why Asahi couldn’t see that it was Noya’s fault and not his.

He was confused as to why he could be so stupid and fuck up so badly. He yelled so much that day, screamed things he didn’t mean to say. He didn’t mean to call Asahi a coward. He didn’t think he was a coward at all, he just said it out of nowhere.

Now, here he was, sitting miserably, by himself, outside the principal’s office, waiting to make his return to school from his suspension official. He wanted to get back to volleyball. He just wanted to get back to normal life. Going to practice. Studying only a little bit and still getting good grades. Playing matches with Asahi and knowing that he trusted him. Knowing that the older boy was aware that he was there, ready keep the ball from touching the floor.

Now he was just confused. Confused as to why Asahi was not standing in the gym, practicing with the rest of the team. He saw the rest of the team, Daichi and Suga, as oblivious for each other’s crushes as always, there was Ennoshita and Tanaka and a few, four new first years. But no Asahi to be seen.

Normally, especially in middle school, he’d definitely get offended if someone did what Asahi did to him, give up on the spiking because he kept on blocking, when he was working his ass off to keep the ball from ever hitting the floor. After all, there was a reason why he was called the best libero in the prefecture.

He’d taken Asahi’s offense deeply, since he knew there was something more he felt for the tall boy than just admiration. He enjoyed every single time they walked together after practice. He enjoyed being engulfed in those huge, warm and cuddly hugs that Asahi gave. He loved Asahi so much, he was willing to hide his feelings in front of their team, as long they could be together, because he cherished Asahi.

He loved every night that started as a studying session that ended with sweet nothings being whispered into thin air. He loved playing with the boy’s long, brown hair. He loved getting kissed with that goatee that somehow only suited Asahi.

He knew about Asahi’s insecurities. But he also knew about Asahi’s love for volleyball. Which is why he was so confused.

“Where’s Asahi?” He asked Tanaka, with a grin that he hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt.

He saw the faces of the third and second years drop, and saw the confused look in the faces of the new kids.

It wasn’t hard to pretend everything was fine. After all, he was very excited to be back in the court. He always felt as if he was about to burst with energy. He missed Tanaka and Suga and Daichi. The new kids were all a funny bunch, very entertaining. Especially that Hinata kid, he was really good. But there was still that odd feeling at the back of his mind that something was off. Asahi was missing and without his, the team was not complete.

He missed Asahi. He wanted to talk to him, to apologize but there was no way he could gather enough courage to talk to him. He knew it was selfish, but he knew there was only one way he could get Asahi back in the team. He knew that Asahi didn’t want to see him, but getting the rest of the team to convince Asahi to come back by refusing to play until he was back. After all, he could not play in an incomplete team. And every volleyball team needs an Ace like Asahi.

Days passed, his mind too busy in catching up with his school work and helping out at volleyball practice, so when Asahi finally showed up, he barely noticed it, until the tall boy pulled him to the side, just before practice finished, obviously with permission from Daichi to stop early. After all, the captain knew they needed to fix a few things.

“So…” The tall boy said, looking down. “I’m sorry, Noya.”

“Shut up, Asahi. I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I- Well, I’m sorry, Asahi. For calling you a wimp and a coward and all. I didn’t mean it. I messed up so bad… It’s okay if you don’t want to ever talk to me again. But please come back to the team, we all need you. I need you. But if you don’t want me that’s okay, I can walk home alone,”

By the end of Noya’s apology, his eyes were filled his tears of regret.

Suddenly, he felt two strong arms around his waist pulling him closer to his boyfriend, if he could still call him that. He threw his arms around Asahi’s neck, and looked straight into his eyes, that were also leaking with years.

“Can I kiss you?”

The world then melted away, the only thing that mattered was them two, their lips crashing together, hungrily kissing, not being afraid to show their eagerness to love each other. The only thing that mattered at that moment was Noya and Asahi, being back together.

And Noya wasn’t confused anymore. Yeah, he still had his questions, but when his lips were against Asahi’s everything was clear and everything made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i have a deathwish because i started this fic at the begining of the year and when I finally finish the original number of chapters, I decide to write an extra one thats probs gonna take me ages to write ( rip @ me)
> 
> anyway thanks for reading this!  
> next chapter is another Wild chapter (but it's only Alessia's part)  
> if you liked it or have any comments/ideas/suggestions comments are nice  
> and kudos are always welcome
> 
> thanks!


	16. WILD (Alessia Cara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re alike you and I  
> Two blue hearts locked in our wrong minds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I present to you: The last chapter!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, leave some kudos and comments if you'd like to, they are always welcome.
> 
> Also, I'm looking for a beta for a Lams (Hamilton, A Hamilton and J Laurens) fic and a Wolfstar (Harry Potter, Remus x Sirius) fic so if you'd like to do both or either of them, let me know to get in contact with you!! Thanks!!

_We’re alike you and I_

_Two blue hearts locked in our wrong minds_

Oikawa Tooru liked to believe he lived in a nice family, even if it didn’t feel like that sometimes.

Even since he could remember, his family attended church every Sunday. His mother would always bake something on Saturday afternoon to give to other churchgoers. His father had some sort of degree or certification which officially made him a pastor. He wasn’t the church’s main preacher but every now and then, he would find his father working on his talk for a Sunday coming.

And he definitely _wanted_ to believe in whatever supernatural force made his mother so loving and caring and made her bake every Saturday without fail to make people feel more at home, and he most definitely _wanted_ to believe in whatever made his father look so serene and sure and whole when he studied the Bible or made his younger sister sing so beautifully every hymn that was played during the service.

But sometimes, when they were watching TV after dinner, or they were praying before lunch, or his father was preaching or his mother was on the phone, he also believed that it was the same force that made them say those things.

Oikawa Tooru flinched every time his father called gay people sinful, when his mother conferred with her friends that she could not believe another celebrity came out as gay because _do they have any shame or even have any regard for young children’s mind,_ as if being gay was an R rated thing, or when his sister prayed for those dirty people’s souls, that they would change their sinful ways, and Tooru knew that those were his father’s words, she was too young to understand, or when his father preached about _faggots burning in hell._

It made him feel sick.

Awful.

Gross.

Disgusting.

Dirty.

Sinful.

Wrong.

It made him want to throw up and then curl into a ball.

It made him want to cry, and beg for forgiveness and promise that he will never feel that way again.

It made him want to yell, to scream, to punch a wall, to run away.

It made Tooru want to hide in his room until he forgets what daylight looks like.

It made him want to be able to personally talk to God, fact check a few things and then relay a message to his family, and the whole world for that matter, through the holiest of telephone lines.

Well, at least it used to do so.

Because he used to believe it was wrong and sinful to feel that way. It was adultery and it wasn’t right.

But then Iwaizumi Hajime came along, and everything he felt was so pure, so real and so innocent, there was no way something like it could be as wrong as people made it seem.

Iwaizumi Hajime showed up one day at school and flipped Oikawa’s life upside down. For good, he liked to believe.

Their teacher asked Oikawa if he would like to show Hajime around and Tooru was delighted to comply.

They instantly clicked together, chatting about everything and nothing, and Tooru knew that Iwaizumi was going to change his life somehow.

“Can I call you Iwa-chan?” He asked curiously.

Hajime seemed taken aback by the sudden question, but after a second, he answered bashfully.

“Shut up, dumbass,”

“Iwa-chan, that’s a rude word!” Oikawa screeched, scared for his new friend’s life, something he knew was irrational but was said out of instinct.

And that’s how Iwaizumi was introduced to the idea of church. He showed up to see Oikawa the Sunday immediately after that day.

He really liked Iwaizumi, he really did. He was tall, handsome, his skin was tanned and he could probably kill a man by squeezing his biceps together. His jawline could probably cut his finger, and although he was tough, he was also so nice and so caring, Tooru came to learn.

This had been the first time Hajime showed up to youth group, after being pressured by Tooru to do so since the first day Iwaizumi attended church.

Tooru was so excited yet so scared.

Ever since he met Iwa-chan, he had been ardently flirting with him. He called him pretty, beautiful, hot, gorgeous. He asked if he could get lost in his eyes, hold his hand, stroke his hair.

Oikawa felt like a giddy schoolgirl but always denied his advances, because ‘ _Iwa-chan, that’s not right’_ as much as it physically hurt him to say that.

But Iwa-chan’s lips felt so right against his, his hands running up his back, desperate to feel Tooru’s skin. Oikawa’s back was pushed against the wall, Iwaizumi was pressing him, while he bit on Tooru’s bottom lip. Oikawa’s hands were stroking Iwaizumi’s hair, his lungs begging for the perfume of the taller boy’s skin to flood his senses.

They continued their kiss, their first kiss, sloppy and clumsy but theirs. It was needy, it was passionate, it was caring and it was true bliss felt like. If this was the reason people went to hell, Tooru was willing to trade heaven for Iwaizumi’s body pressed against him. For his eyes to look at him. For his mouth, to tell him how pretty he is, to kiss him.

As they ran out of breath and they pulled away, Oikawa moaned, complaining when those soft lips left his skin, to which Iwaizumi answered by kissing him in his jaw. Running his plump lips down Oikawa’s neck, softly biting and sucking down on the sensitive skin with open lips, leaving marks that looked like nebulas and made Tooru feel like he belonged to Iwa-chan, he was marked and recognized as his.

“I-Iwa-chan…” He half-sighed, half-moaned.

“Oh, God, you’re gorgeous, Tooru. You’re so beautiful, I’ve dreamt about this since I met you,” The other boy answered between kisses. “Oh, Tooru, Tooru…”

“S-stop! Iwa-chan, p-please…” He begged, suddenly too aware of what was happening. Iwaizumi stopped immediately.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong? Is this too fast?” His concern was evident.

Oikawa blushed. Between the all the kissing he had just gone through, hearing his name being sighed, being showered in compliments, and the embarrassment of stopping such a wonderful moment made his face turn crimson red.

“I-I mean… It’s not you, you’re perfect. God, you’re more than perfect. B-But I just feel so…” He shuddered, “I feel wrong…”

Iwaizumi’s face twisted at the comment, for he knew exactly where this was going. He stepped closer, their faces inches away from each other, as they had been minutes before.

Oikawa continued.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know this isn’t wrong. I’ve always felt dirty and sinful because I felt this way. I’ve tried praying, begging, asking for forgiveness, but I never stop thinking about boys that way. And I’m scared, oh so scared, because everyone tells me it’s so wrong, that my love is wrong, my heart is wrong, my mind is wrong, that God hates me and I’m so scared. I’m locked away in my own mind. I’m so scared this is wrong,”

Iwaizumi sighed.

“Look, Tooru. I’m not going to force you into anything. If you don’t want to kiss me, or date me or anything like that, I won’t force you, no hard feelings. I never want you to feel uncomfortable. Especially with me. I’m not going to make you change what you believe in.” He opened.

Oikawa’s eyes were filling with tears.

“…But, all be damned, doesn’t this feel right? Doesn’t this feel… _magical?_ Doesn’t this feel like it was meant to be like it had to happen? Isn’t this beautiful? Isn’t this the stuff fairy tales and dreams are made of? Doesn’t this feel so innocent, and pure and so new?”

Oikawa nodded weakly, in between tears.

“Well, since you forced me to come here, I have learned of a God that loves all of his children. A God that forgives and understand and makes everything with a purpose. And I believe that a God like that would not create something like this if it was so wrong. Doesn’t this feel almost heavenly?”

“If I was wrong, and trust me, I’m wrong a lot of times, I don’t want to be right. Let us be wrong, in our wrong minds, because one thing I know for a fact I’m right is that I love you, and you came into my life to turn it upside down and change it,”

Oikawa was sobbing already, his silent cries softly echoing in the storage room where they were locked.

“Am I a sinner?”

“You’re a loving, caring, sincere, charismatic, kind-hearted, honest, understanding, gorgeous, patient and beautiful person. Nothing compares to that.”

“Okay…”

“Do you want to join me in believing in the God I just told you about or being wrong but happily so?”

“Yeah…”

Oikawa Tooru liked to believe that a loving, caring and understanding God sent him an angel, named Iwa-chan, to change his life. And give him lots of kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's the last chapter!!!  
> This work has been a rollercoaster but I'm so happy I finally reached the finish line..
> 
> I'm so happy with this whole thing so thank you so much to everyone who comments and leaves Kudos because without those, this project would've died after Chapter 1.
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos if you like it and I'll see you around in my other works


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